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This is not an issue unique to Borderline Personality Disorder - this happens in all types of relationship - and we often do it, too.

Finding a validation target and mirroring it back from the other person's perspective (empathizing) is the crux of effective validating. It could be mirroring back the other person's rationale of how they are seeing things and why they feel the way the way they do.

In practice, however, many of us fumble with this life skill.

Invalidation is often very subtle - we don't even realize we are doing it.

It could be picking up on secondary elements that they're experiencing which are true, and confirming that.

Empathizing with the person when validating the validation target is extremely important.

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